My Majesty is in great despair, SQUAWK, SQUAWK, SQUAWK! My feathers, my beautiful, glorious green and red and blue and yellow Amazon feathers - oh, yeah, and the dumb little white downy things, too - are falling out!! SQUAWK, SQUAWK, SQUAWK.
Help me, help me, help me. I'm just a poor little, spectacled Amazon parrot, far from my homeland, oppressed by all these strange people who don't appreciate my gorgeous majesty. What can I do?
Fatlady, that bitch, just strokes my disintegrating wings and says something about a moult. I bit her very, very hard. My whole majestic body itches and I must have malaria or something and she just says moult.
And, AND, she put some foul stuff called 'extra vitamins' in my water, what's that all about?I'm really a very sweet little bird, why must she oppress me like this.
AND NOW, she's decided that I should not screech. I, My Majesty, not command my subjects? Surely, she jests. An evil conspiracy called 'Parrots Only,' a Yahoo group, has advised her that when I screech she should cover my home as if it were night until I stop. But I am smarter than this evil, right wing conspiracy. When she gets the cover, I immediately fall silent. Then when she walks away, I screech even louder and she walks back and I get quiet...you see how smart I am and how stupid she is? But now she has decided to cover me even if I fall silent. I DO NOT LIKE THIS, NO NOT ONE BIT. She is a bully and needs to be bitten really, really, really hard, I think maybe on her nose!
But this battle has only begun and I SHALL WIN THE WAR!!!
squawk!!!
SQUAWK!!!!
SQUAAWWK!!!!!
SQUAAAWWWKKK!!!!!!!
2 comments:
Gathuku!! Be of good cheer!! How are your feathers now? Did you give her a nasty nip or not??
Ms. Boo, Ms. Boo! You must address me as Your Majesty. But this one time I'll forgive you. My lovely feathers are still falling out. Fatlady keeps them in a jar because they are so beautiful.
Yeah, yeah, let me tell you what I did. I sat on her shoulder and pulled her glasses off. While she was putting them back on, I bit her SOOOOOOOOO hard on the ear. It made blood and she got sooooooooo angry. I spent the whole afternoon covered in my home, but it was worth it.
Then she decided to replace my profile photo with some stupid Sikh thing -I love Sikhs, it's sooooo much fun to poop on their turbans and even try to take them off - but I made her put on a picture of one of my doubles. Isn't it beautiful? Not as beautiful as me, of course, but still most attractive.
SQUAWK! SQUAWK!! SQUAWK!!!
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