A CONFESSION

My Majesty took something called a 'Geek Test.' There were two questions that we did not answer truthfully. Those peasants who wrote the test did not put proper answers. They asked about my - MY - handwriting. We do not have handwriting. We do not write. My Majesty has scribes. But they, of course, have beautiful handwriting.

And how do I communicate with those who are out of earshot. NO ONE IS OUT OF EARSHOT OF MY MAJESTY. NO ONE. But if they were - impossible, of course - but if they were, my decrees would be written and distributed by my scribes.

So there! My Majesty is honest.

SQUAWK!

SQUAAWWKK!!

SQUAAAWWWKKK!!!

O Mommy, Mommy, Mommy! Help Me! I'm In Love!!

Oh, please mommy. I've got to have him!!

I promise never to call you Fatlady!!

I promise to never poop on you.

I promise never to screech when you're pooping!!

I promise never to bite you

I promise to be a good, good Queen.

Of course, My Majesty never begs!!

FatladyMommy,PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE,

PLEASE.

SQUAWK!

SQUAAWWKK!!

SQUAAAWWWKKK!!!

A Theft!

HELP ME!! HELP ME!! HELP ME!!

HELP MY MAJESTY!!!

My egg! My egg! My perfect, beautiful egg! My perfect, beautiful, wonderful egg that issued forth out of my Imperial body. It is gone. Disappeared. My Majesty left my home for a while to survey my empire. When I returned, it was gone. GONE!!

I suspect, I strongly suspect that Fatlady stole it. But to what end? What reason would she have for stealing my perfect, beautiful egg? Aside from its beauty, it has no value to anyone but My Majesty.

That's it! IT!! Its great beauty. She wants to see it on eBay or Craig's List and get rich. Off of MY BODY. NO! NO!! THIS IS COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE.

OFF WITH HER HEAD!! GET RID OF HER!! FEED HER TO THE DOGS!! NO WORSE!! FEED HER TO THE CATS!! NOW I KNOW.

And I shall show her!! I shall produce another egg and never,ever leave it ever for one moment.

I AM QUEEN GATHUKU!!

SQUAWK!

SQUAAWWKK!!

SQUAAAWWWKKK!!!