SQUAWKING: Toujours La Meme Chose

MY MEME
The Ten Most Annoying Things in an Amazon Queen Parrot's Life:
In Reverse Order, Mind You, but all are damned annoying.

Moulting: That's what they call it when all of My beautiful feathers fall out, slowly, one-by-one, all the way to my soft and lovely undercoat of down. Fatlady saves My most beautifullest feathers and gives them - GIVES THEM!! - to Crazylady for who knows what to do with. Then she cleans up My soft wonderful down with the:

The Vacuum Cleaner: The damned machine. When they bring that horrible red monster out, I scream and squawk and even fly to the next room. I'm sure it is illegal for those humans to use the damned thing in My world, but I have not yet discovered how to enforce My edict against it. Hmmmmmmm, maybe if I flew onto Fatlady's head and dug my talons into her scalp real good and bit her ear hard so it bleeds and pooped in her hair. That might work, eh.

Red: I hate the colour red. I do not know why. I do not need to know why. Tomatoes are screech-worthy. When I was just a baby princess Amazon parrotlette - the most beautifullest, adorablest ever, I assure you - they put a red 'toy' - they called it a toy, it was really an instrument of torture - in my home. Well, well, well! I let them know it was unacceptable and they did - as indeed they must - remove it.

Covering My Home: This is Fatlady's favourite way of tormenting Me. When I screech out My commands, instead of obeying, as she should, Fatlady has taken to putting a heavy dark covering over My home. If I am quiet, she'll take it off. It is great fun for Me to play a game with her. {Begin here}: I order in M loudest screech!!. She covers. I am very quiet. She uncovers. Return to {Begin here}. She is so stupid.

Being Cold: My native habitat is in the tropics. Don't these humans have any sense at all? I need to be kept warm and cosy and comfy. But, nooooooooo! They let Me freeze My royal ass (arse?) off . My lovely green derriere turns purple with the icy temperatures.

Food: Anything wrong about my food. White bread, yech! Must be whole grain. Pizza without enough toppings. Vegetables, any vegetables, I do not like them. Tomatoes, no, no, no, they're RED. Mushy bananas, they get all over My beak and lower My dignities. Really, though, feeding me anything except pizza (with lots of toppings) and sunflower seeds. Oh, yes, and bottled glacier water from the Pyrenees, of course.

Forgetting My Shower: Each morning, at precisely 10:30, I am to shower. This is to clean My Royal Personage, as well as to refresh My spirits and to add to My loveliness. Sometimes, My servants forget this essential part of My beauty regimen. How dare they!? And sometimes they are still in bed, those lazy ne'er-do-wells. Hmmmph!!!!!

Being Locked in My Home: This is indeed a great indignity. Usually all the doors to My palace are open and unlocked. But sometimes, my servants revolt and imprison me in my own home. Can you believe this? I tolerate it only because we usually are going someplace nice, like to the park. My Majesty loves the park. Everyone gathers around and admires me. Oh, yeah, they make inane comments like, 'What a pretty birdie.' Or 'Does - is it a girl or a boy and how can you tell? - it (it!) talk?' I ALWAYS answer this bit of moronity by looking as stupid as I possibly can and saying nothing, Nada. Not even a small squawk.Or My personal favourite, 'Does she bite?' Oh, yeah, oh, yeah. Come here, little one, please put your little fingers into My home. Please. PLEASE.' Hehehehehehehe, chomp!!

Fatlady put that licence plate on against My orders!! Bite her at once!!! Extra hard!!!

Fatlady: I do not like her. I do not like her. I do not like her, no, not one little bit. Not even one little teeny, tiny bit. Her pleasure in life is tormenting Me. Me, Queen Gathuku. Anything she can think of. Anything to annoy Me. Fortunately, I'm smarter than she is and I am in control. Even what you are reading was typed by her at My command. I sit on her shoulder and dictate. Yes, dictate. I am Gathuku the Dictator. Yes, I am!