KIDNAPPED by evil Kidnapman

Today was my bestest day so far of 2007. I got to go outside!!. Well, Fatlady didn't let me out of my home. I won't let them clip my wings. I am supposed to fly. I am a bird. Would you humans like to have your legs clipped?

So I had to stay in my little home because they think I'd fly away and get lost. I'm not stupid. I'd never leave. Well, I did - two times! But they came and got me.

The first time was in Alaska. I flew out the open door, but Fatlady came running when I commanded here to come get me. Brrrrrrrrrr! It was so cold. SQUAAAWWWWWKKKKKKK!!!!!!

The second time was in Washington State, I don't care what town. It was a very sad time. Darkman's son had been killed in a car wreck in Kenya and he didn't pay any attention to anything. He left the sliding glass door open and I went on an adventure.

But I got captured by some evil Kidnapman. He took me to his home. I thought, ' Great. I'll get a treat now!'

But that damned fool evil Kidnapman gave me a saltine cracker and kept saying, 'Polly want a cracker?'

No, no, no!! Polly, meaning me, the Queen, want some pizza.

Anyway my subjects put up posters all over the place, but this evil Kidnapman ignored them. For two days, I went on a hunger strike. He bought me a cage - not my home, he locked the door! - and intended to hold me captive.

But some neighbourhood kids - God bless 'em!' told Darkman where I was. He came WITH A BUTCHER KNIFE to demand my release. My captor, evil Kidnapman, however, was a coward who didn't want to argue with a big, Black man with a knife, so he surrendered me. I was soooooooo happy. I wouldn't talk to Kidnapman, but I talked and talked to Darkman. 'Thuki. Thuki. Pretty bird, Thuki. Sweetheart. Come here, Thuki.' All nice words. Not a single SQUAWK!

Until we turned to go. Then I faced evil Kidnapman and gave him my loudest, angriest , most majestic

SQUAAAAAAAAA

WWWWWWWWW

KKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.

I bet he never, ever, ever kidnaps a royal personage again.

He came to my subjects' home the next day to get his cage. They were nice enough to give it to him, but Fatlady told him that if he wanted to keep a parrot, he needed a much bigger cage and some idea of what parrots eat. Oh, yeah! She suggested he get a parakeet. LOLOLOLOLOLOL, a parakeet!!??

I don't like Fatlady much, but I was really happy with her that day!!

SQUAAAAAWWWWWWWWKKKKKKKKKKK!!
SQUAAAAAAWWWWWWWWKKKKKKKKKKK!!