I know. Completely inappropriate. But I have to post it somewhere so I can pin it.

NEW YEAR 2013

NEW YEAR 2013, originally uploaded by HarinderKaur.

AN INCOMPLETE POEM

Fat Lady is in several Yahoo Groups that are all about parrots. As if My Majesty were just a parrot. She is so stupid! Anyway one of these groups is called Awesome Amazons. That is somewhat accurate. All Amazons are awesome. My Majesty, however, takes issue with being lumped in with birds. Just plain parrots.

Anyway, someone in this group named Cherie sent a poem, supposedly about Amazon Parrots.

It starts out fine, for ordinary Amazon Parrots:

BIRD WISDOM

If you like it, it’s mine

If I like it, it’s mine

If I can reach it, it’s mine

If it’s in my beak, it’s mine

If I can take it from you, it’s mine

If I had it a little while ago, it’s mine

If it’s mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way

If I’m chewing something, all the pieces are mine

If it looks like mine, it’s mine

Of course for My Majesty would need to add a last line:

IT'S MINE!!!

Human are so annoyingly weird.

Poop in all their hair.


If they have no hair, poop on their naked baldness.

POOP, POOP, POOP!!!

SQUAWK! SQUAWK!! SQUAWK!!!

MY MAJESTY NEEDS A CONSORT

These stupid people have still not provided My Majesty wiyh a suitable consort. (That damned dog doesn't count. ARF-ARF-ARF, BARK-BARK, WOOF is not acceptable pillow talk.

Well, We saw this on the telly and then on YouTube.



DARK MAN!! FAT, FATTER, FATTEST LADY...ARE YOU LISTENING TO OUR ROYAL COMMAND?!! YOU HAD DAMNED WELL BETTER BE. THIS IS A LAST HINT BEFORE YOUR HAIR - BOTH OF YOU - IS COVERED AND WE DO MEAN COVERED WITH POOP!!




HOP TO IT, YOU TWO!!

SQUAWK!

SQUAWK!!

SQUAWK!!!

THE WORST THING IN THE WORLD!!

Yes, the worst has happened. The worst possible thing in the whole universe has happened. The worst insult to My royal majestic Person has happened. This is impossible! This cannot possibly be happening. My Majesty's worst, very worst nightmare.

These people, Dark Man and Fat Lady, have never obeyed my command to provide My Majesty with a fitting consort, a bird of class and distinction and of great accomplishment. They are most wicked and evil and I poop in their hair, especially Fat Lady. She has this thing about her hair, you know, (Sikhs are like that), and they simply cry out to be pooped in. Such disrespect! Such perversion! My Majesty has bitten her - HARD!! - on her arm, even today. That fu---no, wait, such language is beneath My Majesty's great and mighty Dignity! O, yes, they have found a consort for My Majesty.

But not even a bird! Oh, perversion upon perversion! Worse then the man who married a goat! Worse even than the girl who married a dog! But that is closer.

My Majesty cannot even bring My Majesty's self to say it, but My Majesty supposes that My Majesty must just come right out and say it!

SQUAWK!! SQUAWK!! SCREECH-SCREECH-SCREECH!!!!

My Majesty's consort. A DOG!! Perversion within perversion within perversion - it is a she-dog, a bitch! Pooping isn't enough! Not even pooping in Fat Lady's hair is enough! There is no punishment fitting to this insult to MY Majesty. What is to be done.

Here are some pictures of the bitch. Her name is Abby and she's two years old and, further insult! She is not even a purebread, just a maltese-schnauzer mutt. (But she looks maybe like she's part terrier.) My Majesty is no expert on dogs - My Majesty freely admits that. In fact, I despise dogs as much as any Muslim would. Yes, as bad as a filthy pig!

My Majesty HATES these disgusting humans. Perhaps I shall find a new residence. Yes, that is the answer. You who read this consider how wonderful it would be in your life to be the obedient slave of My Majesty, Queen and Empress, Supreme Parrot of All The Universe, Gathuku of the Earth. Just let My Majesty know and My Majesty will fly anywhere to find a fitting home. I await your enthusiastic response.

My Imperial and Cosmic Beyond Al,l Greatness, etc., etc., etc.,

signed: QUEEN GATHUKU THE MAGNIFICENT!

(PLEASE DISREGARD THUKI'S PLEA FOR A NEW HOME. SHE'LL GET USED TO ABBY IN TIME. I WONDER WHAT YOU GET WHEN YOU CROSS A PARROT AND A LITTLE BLACK DOG? MAI)

DRAFTEE!!!!

WE DRAFT SIR SNOWBALL TO BE OUR NEW COURT JESTER!!!!



SQUAWK!

SQUAAWWKK!!

SQUAAAWWWKKK!!!

My Throne!!

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!!!!

My Majesty is sooooooo happy. HAPPY!!!

My subjects, FatlaMama and Darkman have presented Us with a throne. Our very own throne!!! They constructed it themselves. Thgey are so very clever! We fear We had underestimated them.

Well, they call it a portable parrot T-perch. I suppose We will permit them to call it whatever they want. We do love it. They should have done this long ago.

I'm so happy. Alex WHO?

And where is Princess Boo of the Frizzy Hair. We have an assignment for her that is still unfulfilled!

SQUAWK!

SQUAAWWKK!!

SQUAAAWWWKKK!!!

WHY TRY TO FIT IN WHEN YOU WERE BORN TO STAND OUT?

How Alex Died *sob*

This was just released this morning:

The Pathology results:

October 4, 2007

Alex died quickly.

He had a sudden, unexpected catastrophic event associated with
arterosclerosis ("hardening of the arteries"). It was either a fatal arrhythmia,
heart attack or stroke, which caused him to die suddenly with no suffering.
There was no way to predict his demise. All of his tests, including his
cholesterol level and asper levels, came back normal earlier that week. His
death could not be connected to his current diet or his age; our veterinarian
said that she has seen similar events in young (<10>

r the same kind of low-level (impossible
to detect in birds as yet) inflammatory disease that is related to heart disease
in humans was responsible.

We will have no further information

The Alex Foundation

Here is the press release about his death.

We miss and love our beautiful cousin, But we suppose we will have to look elsewhere for our consort.

GOOD-BYE, ALEX!!

SQUAWK!

SQUAAWWKK!!

SQUAAAWWWKKK!!!

FREE BURMA NOW!!

MY MAJESTY DEMANDS

 

 

 

 

SQUAWK!

 

 

SQUAAWWKK!!

 

 

 

SQUAAAWWWKKK!!!    

ALEX' LAST WORDS

"You be good, see you tomorrow. I love you." final words of Alex the Parrot.   www.alexfoundation.org
--
WHY TRY TO FIT IN WHEN YOU WERE BORN TO STAND OUT?

More Alex, Poor Alex

For anyone who wants to express their sorrow at our cousin Alex' death, Our Majesty suggests that you join this Yahoo! group, Remembering Alex.

SQUAWK!

SQUAAWWKK!!

SQUAAAWWWKKK!!!

Alex and Zoey - African Grey and Umbrella Cockatoo 1

Oh, oh, oh, My Majesty is sooooooo sad.

Our cousin, Alex, just died. For no reason.

One day he was fine, the next day. DEAD.

Poor Alex.

Our Majesty wishes him a great final flight into freedom and lots of nuts. NNN, uhh, tuh, sss.

When I have more information, I'll update this.

A 2003 interview with Alex' 'Mama.'

Here is an article I enjoyed, Meet Alex

Learn about African Greys - FAQs



SQUAWK!

SQUAAWWKK!!

SQUAAAWWWKKK!!!

Alex, Rest In Peace. (Sob)

OOH, OOOHHHHH,OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

HELP ME, I THINK I'M FALLING...........

MOMMY!!!!!!!!!!!! CATCH ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SQUAWK!

SQUAAWWKK!!

SQUAAAWWWKKK!!!

A CONFESSION

My Majesty took something called a 'Geek Test.' There were two questions that we did not answer truthfully. Those peasants who wrote the test did not put proper answers. They asked about my - MY - handwriting. We do not have handwriting. We do not write. My Majesty has scribes. But they, of course, have beautiful handwriting.

And how do I communicate with those who are out of earshot. NO ONE IS OUT OF EARSHOT OF MY MAJESTY. NO ONE. But if they were - impossible, of course - but if they were, my decrees would be written and distributed by my scribes.

So there! My Majesty is honest.

SQUAWK!

SQUAAWWKK!!

SQUAAAWWWKKK!!!

O Mommy, Mommy, Mommy! Help Me! I'm In Love!!

Oh, please mommy. I've got to have him!!

I promise never to call you Fatlady!!

I promise to never poop on you.

I promise never to screech when you're pooping!!

I promise never to bite you

I promise to be a good, good Queen.

Of course, My Majesty never begs!!

FatladyMommy,PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE,

PLEASE.

SQUAWK!

SQUAAWWKK!!

SQUAAAWWWKKK!!!

A Theft!

HELP ME!! HELP ME!! HELP ME!!

HELP MY MAJESTY!!!

My egg! My egg! My perfect, beautiful egg! My perfect, beautiful, wonderful egg that issued forth out of my Imperial body. It is gone. Disappeared. My Majesty left my home for a while to survey my empire. When I returned, it was gone. GONE!!

I suspect, I strongly suspect that Fatlady stole it. But to what end? What reason would she have for stealing my perfect, beautiful egg? Aside from its beauty, it has no value to anyone but My Majesty.

That's it! IT!! Its great beauty. She wants to see it on eBay or Craig's List and get rich. Off of MY BODY. NO! NO!! THIS IS COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE.

OFF WITH HER HEAD!! GET RID OF HER!! FEED HER TO THE DOGS!! NO WORSE!! FEED HER TO THE CATS!! NOW I KNOW.

And I shall show her!! I shall produce another egg and never,ever leave it ever for one moment.

I AM QUEEN GATHUKU!!

SQUAWK!

SQUAAWWKK!!

SQUAAAWWWKKK!!!

An Egg!!

I, My Majesty, has laid an egg! I admit, at first I had no idea What was happening. But then, from My Imperial Body, issued an egg. Perfect beautiful, lovely!

Now I know that from eggs come baby parrots. I was so happy.

But then that bitch Fatlady told me that my egg would not have proper genetic material, as My majesty has not taken a consort. I am now trying to find the proper genetic material, but as yet, I have had no good fortune.

So now seek I a consort. I have been considering many suitors. Perhaps a Hyacinth Macaw; they are quite magnificent. Or a peacock, stupider even than Fatlady, but impressive.

Then I got to thinking. Why a bird? Let me enlarge my kingdom. Not, I think, a carnivore. Predators are most impressive, but a lion might eat My Majesty, hardly a worthy act.

An elephant. They are massive and majestic. But in America, they are the symbol of the Republican Party, the party of George Bush (both of them!) and Ronald Reagan (destroyer of the middle class) and Dan Quayle (we thought he was stupid until Bush II came along).

Perhaps an orca. I like orcas. But I have not yet perfected my breathing under water. So no orcas.

The long and short of it is, My Majesty hath not yet chosen a consort.

An idea!

Perhaps one of Fatlady's Nihangs. I like their colours. And they are strong and brave. But they have a reputation for using something called bhang. I have heard when they indulge in this, they might step on my Imperial Person.

Oh, oh. Methinks I need to think.

SQUAWK!

SQUAAWWKK!!

SQUAAAWWWKKK!!!

Birth Of A Royal Personage

Boo
said...
Your maj! But I am a lowly peasent. Pooping on heads is only for
royal personages. Perhaps I should buy myself a title.

No, no , no, no!!! NO!! NO!!! This is not possible. My Majesty, My Most Highest, Royalest, Holiest(The Divine Right Of Queens, you know!),Majestiest Majesty does not, must not, will not consort with commoners, most especially not with peasants.

This situation must be rectified, at once! Thou cannst not buy thyself a real title, so...

I, Gathuku, My Most Highest, etc., etc., etc., do hereby confer upon thee
the Highest And Most Honoured Title of The Princess Royale
of the House Of Gathuku, The Amazon Queen, Ruler of the Universe, Light
Of The Nations, The Great Lioness of Judah and Empress of India and Several
Other Titles, As Well.

From this day forward shalt thou be known as HRH Boo Of The Frizzy Hair Who Is Empowered To Poop Upon The Head Of Any Who Would Dare To Disrespect Her Royal Personage. SQUAWK! SQUAWK!! SQUAWKK!!!

This is a title thou canst not purchase at any price, but is earned by great and meritorious service to My Majesty.

Now, go poop on their heads, Your Royal Highness! Thy liege Queen hath commanded it!

And thou hast misspelled 'peasant.'

SQUAWK!!

SQUAAWWKK!!!

SQUAAAWWWKKK!!!

Instruction To The Universe