A Theft!

HELP ME!! HELP ME!! HELP ME!!

HELP MY MAJESTY!!!

My egg! My egg! My perfect, beautiful egg! My perfect, beautiful, wonderful egg that issued forth out of my Imperial body. It is gone. Disappeared. My Majesty left my home for a while to survey my empire. When I returned, it was gone. GONE!!

I suspect, I strongly suspect that Fatlady stole it. But to what end? What reason would she have for stealing my perfect, beautiful egg? Aside from its beauty, it has no value to anyone but My Majesty.

That's it! IT!! Its great beauty. She wants to see it on eBay or Craig's List and get rich. Off of MY BODY. NO! NO!! THIS IS COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE.

OFF WITH HER HEAD!! GET RID OF HER!! FEED HER TO THE DOGS!! NO WORSE!! FEED HER TO THE CATS!! NOW I KNOW.

And I shall show her!! I shall produce another egg and never,ever leave it ever for one moment.

I AM QUEEN GATHUKU!!

SQUAWK!

SQUAAWWKK!!

SQUAAAWWWKKK!!!

An Egg!!

I, My Majesty, has laid an egg! I admit, at first I had no idea What was happening. But then, from My Imperial Body, issued an egg. Perfect beautiful, lovely!

Now I know that from eggs come baby parrots. I was so happy.

But then that bitch Fatlady told me that my egg would not have proper genetic material, as My majesty has not taken a consort. I am now trying to find the proper genetic material, but as yet, I have had no good fortune.

So now seek I a consort. I have been considering many suitors. Perhaps a Hyacinth Macaw; they are quite magnificent. Or a peacock, stupider even than Fatlady, but impressive.

Then I got to thinking. Why a bird? Let me enlarge my kingdom. Not, I think, a carnivore. Predators are most impressive, but a lion might eat My Majesty, hardly a worthy act.

An elephant. They are massive and majestic. But in America, they are the symbol of the Republican Party, the party of George Bush (both of them!) and Ronald Reagan (destroyer of the middle class) and Dan Quayle (we thought he was stupid until Bush II came along).

Perhaps an orca. I like orcas. But I have not yet perfected my breathing under water. So no orcas.

The long and short of it is, My Majesty hath not yet chosen a consort.

An idea!

Perhaps one of Fatlady's Nihangs. I like their colours. And they are strong and brave. But they have a reputation for using something called bhang. I have heard when they indulge in this, they might step on my Imperial Person.

Oh, oh. Methinks I need to think.

SQUAWK!

SQUAAWWKK!!

SQUAAAWWWKKK!!!