I know. Completely inappropriate. But I have to post it somewhere so I can pin it.

NEW YEAR 2013

NEW YEAR 2013, originally uploaded by HarinderKaur.

AN INCOMPLETE POEM

Fat Lady is in several Yahoo Groups that are all about parrots. As if My Majesty were just a parrot. She is so stupid! Anyway one of these groups is called Awesome Amazons. That is somewhat accurate. All Amazons are awesome. My Majesty, however, takes issue with being lumped in with birds. Just plain parrots.

Anyway, someone in this group named Cherie sent a poem, supposedly about Amazon Parrots.

It starts out fine, for ordinary Amazon Parrots:

BIRD WISDOM

If you like it, it’s mine

If I like it, it’s mine

If I can reach it, it’s mine

If it’s in my beak, it’s mine

If I can take it from you, it’s mine

If I had it a little while ago, it’s mine

If it’s mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way

If I’m chewing something, all the pieces are mine

If it looks like mine, it’s mine

Of course for My Majesty would need to add a last line:

IT'S MINE!!!

Human are so annoyingly weird.

Poop in all their hair.


If they have no hair, poop on their naked baldness.

POOP, POOP, POOP!!!

SQUAWK! SQUAWK!! SQUAWK!!!

MY MAJESTY NEEDS A CONSORT

These stupid people have still not provided My Majesty wiyh a suitable consort. (That damned dog doesn't count. ARF-ARF-ARF, BARK-BARK, WOOF is not acceptable pillow talk.

Well, We saw this on the telly and then on YouTube.



DARK MAN!! FAT, FATTER, FATTEST LADY...ARE YOU LISTENING TO OUR ROYAL COMMAND?!! YOU HAD DAMNED WELL BETTER BE. THIS IS A LAST HINT BEFORE YOUR HAIR - BOTH OF YOU - IS COVERED AND WE DO MEAN COVERED WITH POOP!!




HOP TO IT, YOU TWO!!

SQUAWK!

SQUAWK!!

SQUAWK!!!

THE WORST THING IN THE WORLD!!

Yes, the worst has happened. The worst possible thing in the whole universe has happened. The worst insult to My royal majestic Person has happened. This is impossible! This cannot possibly be happening. My Majesty's worst, very worst nightmare.

These people, Dark Man and Fat Lady, have never obeyed my command to provide My Majesty with a fitting consort, a bird of class and distinction and of great accomplishment. They are most wicked and evil and I poop in their hair, especially Fat Lady. She has this thing about her hair, you know, (Sikhs are like that), and they simply cry out to be pooped in. Such disrespect! Such perversion! My Majesty has bitten her - HARD!! - on her arm, even today. That fu---no, wait, such language is beneath My Majesty's great and mighty Dignity! O, yes, they have found a consort for My Majesty.

But not even a bird! Oh, perversion upon perversion! Worse then the man who married a goat! Worse even than the girl who married a dog! But that is closer.

My Majesty cannot even bring My Majesty's self to say it, but My Majesty supposes that My Majesty must just come right out and say it!

SQUAWK!! SQUAWK!! SCREECH-SCREECH-SCREECH!!!!

My Majesty's consort. A DOG!! Perversion within perversion within perversion - it is a she-dog, a bitch! Pooping isn't enough! Not even pooping in Fat Lady's hair is enough! There is no punishment fitting to this insult to MY Majesty. What is to be done.

Here are some pictures of the bitch. Her name is Abby and she's two years old and, further insult! She is not even a purebread, just a maltese-schnauzer mutt. (But she looks maybe like she's part terrier.) My Majesty is no expert on dogs - My Majesty freely admits that. In fact, I despise dogs as much as any Muslim would. Yes, as bad as a filthy pig!

My Majesty HATES these disgusting humans. Perhaps I shall find a new residence. Yes, that is the answer. You who read this consider how wonderful it would be in your life to be the obedient slave of My Majesty, Queen and Empress, Supreme Parrot of All The Universe, Gathuku of the Earth. Just let My Majesty know and My Majesty will fly anywhere to find a fitting home. I await your enthusiastic response.

My Imperial and Cosmic Beyond Al,l Greatness, etc., etc., etc.,

signed: QUEEN GATHUKU THE MAGNIFICENT!

(PLEASE DISREGARD THUKI'S PLEA FOR A NEW HOME. SHE'LL GET USED TO ABBY IN TIME. I WONDER WHAT YOU GET WHEN YOU CROSS A PARROT AND A LITTLE BLACK DOG? MAI)

DRAFTEE!!!!

WE DRAFT SIR SNOWBALL TO BE OUR NEW COURT JESTER!!!!



SQUAWK!

SQUAAWWKK!!

SQUAAAWWWKKK!!!

My Throne!!

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!!!!

My Majesty is sooooooo happy. HAPPY!!!

My subjects, FatlaMama and Darkman have presented Us with a throne. Our very own throne!!! They constructed it themselves. Thgey are so very clever! We fear We had underestimated them.

Well, they call it a portable parrot T-perch. I suppose We will permit them to call it whatever they want. We do love it. They should have done this long ago.

I'm so happy. Alex WHO?

And where is Princess Boo of the Frizzy Hair. We have an assignment for her that is still unfulfilled!

SQUAWK!

SQUAAWWKK!!

SQUAAAWWWKKK!!!

WHY TRY TO FIT IN WHEN YOU WERE BORN TO STAND OUT?